


Too much for too little

by Skkia



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: ADHD, One Shot, The8 is only mentioned, Wen Jun Hui | Jun-centric, Writing myself as someone else, Yall im tired, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-18 00:55:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29850144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skkia/pseuds/Skkia
Summary: Jun struggles at the hands of me. This is my own problems molded into the shape of jun.
Kudos: 3





	Too much for too little

Everything was confusing, but Junhui was used to it, or maybe he just thought he was? That’s besides the point because at this moment he was absolutely enraged that he just couldn’t find his phone charger, enraged might be a harsh word but damn, if it wasn’t really frustrating then he didn’t know what to call it. He swore he left it right there, right where he left it, but was that really where he left it? Or is it where he thought he left it? Or is it where he thought he could have left it but didn’t? Or is that the same thing?  
Flopping down on the bed with a disgruntled groan, simply rummaging through everything was so exhausting, but his body felt just fine, yet he didn’t feel like moving at all anymore simply from the mental exertion.  
God, why! It shouldn’t be this hard! He’s checked everywhere, his bed, the nightstand, the floor, the floor under the bed, the living room, his closet, his bed again, his bed AGAIN, where coul- oh, it was on the bed… pushed under the pillow. Great, now with that done he could continue laying face-down on the bed and not make an effort to actually use the charger since his energy was all but spent, great work today Junhui.  
Staring at the blank wall ahead of him was the most interesting thing to him, not that he had much choice, he just began doing it in the midst of his brain fog, hehe, that’s almost brain frog, frogs are nice, jumping and swimming in the water. Swimming is nice as well, water is so good to drink after exercising and then going t- oh! Shower! That’s what he was supposed to do after he plugged in his phone to charge, he stood up after about 10 minutes of psyching himself up off the bed and collected what he needed for the shower.  
A single piece of clothing, his clean shirt, fell out of his hands while he walked, something that would not be anything special, however it sparked his already bad mood from the charger incident, he quickened his pace after picking it back up and almost bumped into someone on the way, who it was he didn’t care for in the moment. If he had only looked he would have noticed the confused face of Minghao. The shower didn’t help.

_________

It was once again time for another filming for some show, everyone was there, but Junhui would rather that everyone would disappear, there was too much to focus on, so he didn’t focus on any of it opting to rather play with his fingers until he was interrupted by someone calling for him.  
«Hello? Jun, focus here! We haven’t got all day!»  
This didn’t help of course, he merely nodded silently and tried his hardest to focus, finding it hard to do since anything else would be preferable rather than sitting in this uncomfortable chair that began getting painful whenever he sat in one position for too long, that inevitably led to a lot of shifting, left, right, more to the right, forwards, left again, cross legs, back a bit, readjust crossed legs. He was finally comfortable, man, legs are beginning to go numb though, and that one strand of hair poking him right under his eye is starting to bother him. 

Right, filming, unceremoniously he answered a question that had broken his small trance, he hadn’t really paid attention all that much although he knew the general topic was secrets habits.  
«Hahaha yeah I don’t think Seungkwan’s habit of dangling his hand by his wrist is all that secret, we all know about it, on that topic, Jun.»  
«Huh?» he snapped back to reality.  
«Jun seems to be in the clouds a lot, its obvious, is that a habit?»  
Collecting his thoughts for a short, awkward moment he answered  
«Uh, I don’t know, I don’t know if it’s a habit or just who I am» that’s about as good as he could answer, how else could he say it? It wasn’t anything he could put into words, it wasn’t a habit, he knew that, so what was it?  
«Yeah, that’s a habit, just something you do, Jun»  
«But its something different, not a habit but something that can look like it? Like, habit-like but not really? Like blinking, that’s not a habit, I guess, or is it?»  
«Haha alright, moving on Jeonghan…»  
He had tuned out almost the instant he was done talking, removing himself from the situation and shifting his gaze to his cuticles where he began picking at the dry skin around the nails. it was a good shift from the otherwise numbing boringness that left a heavy aura in the air, no wonder people thought he was weird, he sure acted it. Noting the amount of scuffs on the floor his leg begun bouncing on its own, he really didn’t want to be here anymore, it would be most desirable to literally bash his head into a wall than to sit here for any length to time; and so his arm twitched to show its desire for anything other than this situation, of course, he didn’t smash his head into a wall.

When they were done he dodged all questions while he let out his innermost thoughts enthusiastically to an otherwise exhausted group of people, never quite sticking to one topic, everything made sense though, potato chips were related to farming which was related to cows, cows are cute, calves are cuter though! But babies, like the human kind, they are loud and loud things just aren’t pleasant to listen to, like today, weren’t they a bit loud? Yes at the filming, ugh that was so hard to listen to, now I just wanna listen to my music on my phone, speaking of, where did I leave it? Hold on.

And so as he went looking for his phone he was stopped by Minghao a ways away from the rest.

«So what was up with you this morning? You seemed in a bad mood while heading to the shower, you almost ran into me» Minghao questioned, arms crossed and head cocked to the side.  
«Yeah, sorry that I almost bumped into you, I don’t know why I was so mad, it really wasn’t anything important, bad day I assume» Jun answered while still rummaging around.  
«You’ve been suuuuper distracted today though, like, you weren’t following anything that was happening at all, you ok? Nothing bothering you?»  
«Huh? Yeah I’m fine, head’s just a bit clouded, nothing big. You don’t need to worry :)»  
«Did you just say an emoticon out loud?» Minghao asked, perplexed.  
«Yep!» Jun answered right back, almost heading back to the group before remembering his hunt for the elusive phone «oh, phone. Just head back, i’ll go back once I find my phone»

«Uh alright, haha» Minghao ended the conversation with, and trudged away, left to his own thoughts once again and thoroughly wondering if Jun had acted like that before. Now that he mentioned it, yeah, he usually did act a little ditzy and, well, gone sometimes but that was just his personality, right? Never mind that, they had a show to finish. They could worry about this later. Now, where were they?

___________

Now if only one could make a living on being completely obsessed with a book, or a game, or going over one specific part of a song just because it had nice vocals or a funky sound that just makes all of your body react like it just had an orgasm, Jun would be rich.  
Maybe it wasn’t as simple as just rewinding to that point, sure, you needed to listen to the whole song, you need to, I don’t make the rules. Maybe you need to live out a plethora of worlds inside your own head, maybe they just were better than reality, maybe the worlds were your intrusive thoughts, like a school sports drama, or a true crime murder scene. Maybe it wasn’t a big deal to you because that was just one of your many fictional worlds, not reality, you wouldn’t murder someone in real life. But hey, imagination is good! Not in the middle of something you needed to focus on, but can’t waste that thought though.

Jumping all over the place with thoughts or whatever, that wasn’t unusual, organization wasn’t a forte of Jun’s other than his own organized clutter, it was all about efficiency. However he felt oddly compelled to tidy up a bit, his own mess a bit too messy for him. He was halfway in no time, stuffing everything that wasn’t needed into boxes that were out of sight, out of mind.

And when someone finally confronted him on his behaviors that had been uncovered over the years of knowing him he only looked at them in confusion, quite frankly, they thought he zoned out in the middle of the sentence.  
«Uh, is everything alright? Like, is there anything going on I mean?»  
«No» he said, giving them a big smile «i’m fine, nothing out of the usual!»  
And so he nodded a little and wandered off into another room, briefly coming back to get something he forgot to be met with a slightly worried face, he sighed and ought to soothe his troubles a little.  
«Don’t worry, it’s nothing i’m not used to»  
And left the room to continue cleaning what he thought he left off. 

__________

Sometimes he wonders, a lot, not really about one specific thing, he might get lost in his head. And sometimes he wonders so much that he really doesn’t recognize where he is anymore, an overactive imagination it must be. He wants to write it down, he wants to log it, he wants to let people know, but what good is that when he struggles on one single word, rewriting it in the dark so many times that he lost count, at 02:56 am on a Thursday. He lets it go for now.  
And so he’s left alone once again, his own thoughts and fantasies too boring to pay attention to, the isolation sets in, the one he feels so strongly when no one seems to be like him at all, the one he feels while being surrounded by people who love him. Yes, the isolation you feel from people being around you.  
Does it matter that he forgets every once in a while? Is it really that important that his legs won’t stay still, or that it sometimes makes the floor shake? Why is it so concerning that he stares off into the distance or that he feels the need to shake his head or whatever he’s holding just so he won’t go completely crazy? Why is no one else reacting to those sounds that can only be barely heard through the noise-cancelling headphones, or that no one wanted to quite literally kill whatever was making them?  
No, why does any of it matter? It’s not like it’s out of the ordinary, it’s just him being him, just good ol’ jun, blissfully living life, everything normal, and that’s how it’s going to remain.

**Author's Note:**

> This was me being an idiot and trying to get my own damn feelings out in the way i know, putting idols i love in my own decrepid situation, i’m not ok (i am don’t worry).  
> This was my own experience of what it’s like to have adhd, might not apply to others and i couldnt care less right now.


End file.
